Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
