he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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