I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize