so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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