goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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