I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
