i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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