Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
