Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
