Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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