She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize