I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this boner is exhausting
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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