I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
