i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
