remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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