So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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