I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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