It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
