this beer tastes like vomit already
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
