Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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