I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
