do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
