I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
