just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
