At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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