I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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