I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
