I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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