If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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