rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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