Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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