Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just had sex on a roof
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
