They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
