is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
