cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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