My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
