Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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