look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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