He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
