Well apparently he's into motor boating.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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