We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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