I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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