Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
