I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
