the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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