What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
