i just wanna soil my oats bro
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
