She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
