I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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