He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
