i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
