Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize