A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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