You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
