party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
