I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
