I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
