she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize