Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize