Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
