woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
