He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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