Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
