I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
