I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You dont lie about slip and slides
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And then he peed in my hair
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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