You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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