...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
