Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
