i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize