The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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