Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it's like iHOP with fire
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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