Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
