wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
