my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
