A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
