And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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