If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
