He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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