I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
