4 words: hood of his car
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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