Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
