He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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