woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
