Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
