I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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