By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize