ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
