I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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