she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
