FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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