3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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