I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
