I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
