yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
