i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
